so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
