Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
