The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize