The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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