Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
