I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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