I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
