also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
