It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
