i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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