that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
