What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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