You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
