I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
