My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
