Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
