Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
They took my balls.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize