I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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