i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Randomize