just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
