Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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