my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
