My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
