i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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