...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
