i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
