How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
