dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
