call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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