Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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