I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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