census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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