Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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