I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There's always time for handjobs
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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