Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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