She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You need a sexual gate keeper
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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