Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
