we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize