My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
