My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
