I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I am available for nakedness
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
