I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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