Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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