I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
