my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
