You just made me feel so damn special
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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