Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
