I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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