I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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