So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
