Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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