After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize