So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
