so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
