I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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