I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
