"it" just moved
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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