READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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