There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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