I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
