he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
