i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
