I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
