At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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