so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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