Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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