Tell her she can't have a vagina
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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