Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
