haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
