great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
