i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
