Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
