you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
