just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
