My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
home. puking in laundry basket.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
